My Resolution...

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will."
Romans 12:2 NIV

My mom told Olivia and I to pick out a Bible verse that we'd live by this year, I picked out Romans 12:2, here's why.

I think that during the past year(s), I've been too focused on me, myself, and I, and not focused enough on God or His will for me. My trust in Him was (and still sometimes is, though not as often nowadays) shallow and wavering, I was like a fair weather friend: I'd only follow Him when things were going good, then my trust in Him would fail when the going got hard. I was also passive in my spiritual life, I was a total slacker when it came to reading my Bible, I acted like I knew what I was talking about when we went to church, but I didn't know a thing. I was "spiritual" for one day of the week, then I was in hibernation for the other 6.

I remember how this started too, it was when my mom was sick and in and out of the hospital so much, and I remember asking God to heal her, and I was always so confused. If being a Christian is like running a race, I must've dropped out, I thought that God wasn't someone I could depend on, I was wrong to think that. Not that that's any excuse, James 1:2-4 says that God will allow Satan to send things that will test our faith and perseverance, but I started blaming God for everything bad that happened in my life, even though good things did happen. Like when my mom's feeding tube was put in wrong, and the doctors said that she almost died. My parents were about to drive down to IU, but they made a last second decision to go to Community Hospital instead, because some championship was going on downtown. (NCAA, I think it was) That was a miracle sent by God, because if she'd spent a few more hours with that feeding tube in her, she would have died. But still, I became more and more negative, and refused to accept that any of these things were miracles, I thought they were simply coincidences. I was so angry at God, even though my mom is here today because of His intervention. I guess you could say I was holding a grudge...

Okay, so now for the renewing of my mind. Like I said, I became more and more negative, and I started making some not so good choices. (includes, but is not limited to, being irresponsible, being stubborn, etc.) But this time, instead of blaming it on God, (I wasn't on "speaking terms" with Him at the moment) I blamed it on my parents. I thought they were so mean, and no matter how hard they tried to help me, I kept on making the same mistakes over and over again, sometimes on purpose just because I was mad. Ask my parents, they'll tell you just how tiring it was, and even though I knew they hated it as much as I did, I kept on making those mistakes. And the worst thing, is that they had no idea why I was like that.

But I was frustrated at the wrong person. I thought in my head that I was frustrated with God and my parents, but it turned out I was just frustrated with myself, though I didn't want to admit it. (I'm never the one to take responsibility for what I've done, just ask my mom!) I didn't want to be negative, but I didn't know how to get out of it. Then I started reading this book for school called Battlefield of the Mind: the Teen Edition, it's by Joyce Meyer. It talked about all these different things, negativity, passivity, etc. and how to defeat them. I began to realize that all those things that I felt weren't my parents or God, it was Satan waging a war on my mind, and I was letting him take over!! While that's no excuse for my behavior, it did wake me up out of my spiritual hibernation and help me to get back on track with God.

While I'm not perfect by any means, my parents said that they've seen dramatic improvement, and that they've seen me seeking God more this past year. (As you can see, I was very confused about who I was and what my future would be) I now realize that God will help me, and that He's always there for me, even when I'm not there for Him. God renewed my mind, and He'll help me learn what His will is for me, if I trust in Him. Okay, by now, you're probably sick and tired of hearing me yak on and on about the ups and downs of my spiritual life over the past few years, so I only have one last thing to say. My resolution...

So here's my resolution, not just for 2008, but hopefully for the rest of my life: To stay strong for Him, even when it gets tough, because I know that any testing of my faith that I might endure is to strengthen it and bring me closer to Him, to stay motivated to live for Him, even when there's no one around to motivate me but myself, and lastly; to listen closely and pay attention, to learn how to follow the will He set out for me before I was even born, all I need to do to is trust and obey...